Professional Amateur
Professional Amateur.
I could be anything and anyone online. Our social media bios are the place to let people know who we are, so why do I only refer to myself as a “professional amateur”? Initially, this oxymoron just seemed like a witty way to describe myself, and masked my lack of confidence at a time when I had shifted into self-employment. I make Youtube videos, but I’m not a filmmaker. I like writing, but I’m not a writer. I take pictures, but I’m not a photographer. I didn’t want to claim to be something (a photographer, filmmaker, or writer), when I was fairly early in my development of those skills, and there were others who were doing it far better than I could ever dream. I couldn’t be a professional, so what could I be?
In an episode of Emily P. Freeman’s podcast, The Next Right Thing, she explains the importance of being a beginner. Sometimes we find ourselves interested in something new, and we won’t excel right away, but that shouldn’t discourage us from trying that thing (believe me, she explains the idea so much better than I can: Episode 31). I hate being a beginner. I hate not excelling at something, and I hate the learning curve. I just want to be good at something, I don’t want the messy in-between. Obviously, we as humans don’t just *excel* at things. Generally, any practice or endeavor requires learning, growing, and skill building. It requires mistakes. Oh how I hate mistakes. But do you want to hear something funny? I actually really love learning. I find that I am incredibly curious and imaginative, so I find myself with an abundance of knowledge of a random assortment of things. So it’s not that I don’t like learning new information, it’s that I am terrified of putting it into action. That’s where the disconnect is for me. I like learning new things, but I refuse to try new things. Well now… that’s not exactly the healthiest approach to life now is it? I’ll just live in the theoretical forever…
No! I realized that’s not what I wanted! I can’t let the doubt and fear win! I have to be okay with making mistakes. There are so many cheesy quotes that I could put here, but I find that the one I keep coming back to is from the cinematic masterpiece from 2004: A Cinderella Story.
“Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.”
I have always let the fear of strike outs, air balls, and double faults dictate how I played sports growing up, and I’ve carried that fear with me into adulthood- hiding from various endeavors because I don’t think I’m good enough. Well, to hell with being “good enough”! I am doing my own thing, and proudly facing the unknown ahead.
Okay, so why can’t I be a professional? If you google the definition of a professional, you’ll probably see something along the lines of receiving money for work in a profession. To draw the line between professional and amateur as receiving payment for those skills/work or not, is a cruel oversimplification and it diminishes the hard work that many entrepreneurs do every year as they try to build businesses. What I think is more impactful, is what professionalism is defined as: doing one’s job with skill, competence, ethics, and courtesy (thanks dictionary dot com). Professionalism is more about how you work, rather than how much you make from your work.
Okay, so I’m an amateur then. Well… the internet’s definition of an amateur is a little unkind in my opinion, as the words “inept” and “incompetent” are thrown around a lot. But to be fair to the internet, that’s kind of how I view myself sometimes. Rather than someone who is incompetent, I’d simply like to think of an amateur as a beginner. An amateur is starting where they are with the skills they have, but that doesn’t mean that’s where they’ll stay forever.
I don’t know if I’ll ever feel confident enough to call myself a professional anything, but I’m actually okay with that. I don’t want to feel trapped by an industry, or content as my achievements. I also don’t want to feel like my worth in an industry is defined by what I make from it. I want to have the determination and hunger of a beginner… an amateur. Someone who is a sponge, learning anything and everything they can about their field or industry. Practicing and improving, unsatisfied with where they are, and hopeful for where they can go. I want to be okay with making mistakes, and not taking myself so seriously. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t execute things with a growing level of competency, and a high level of ethics and courtesy. My work ethic makes me a professional, and my desire to learn makes me an amateur. I’m a beginner with professionalism. No… I am a professional amateur.
If you find yourself somewhere in-between too, you’re not alone! Let’s all keep showing up, practicing, and creating. #professionalamateur